Moon and Saturn / Maan en Saturnus

Moon and Saturn / Maan en Saturnus (Photo credit: Arjan Almekinders)

As those of you suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum know, there isn’t really a light side to this condition. Women with hg suffer through each day of their pregnancy, unable to keep food and water down, weak and alone. Some have PICC lines (internal ivs placed near their hearts) that keep their bodies nourished and hydrated. Some have extended hospital stays. All vomit excessively.

Hyperemesis gravidarum offers the best payoff– a child. Yet the struggle to grow a child does not always lead to a happy ending. Some babies are lost to miscarriage, some to abortion.  It’s easy for those who have no experienced just how wretched a condition hg is to misunderstand, but the intense suffering women go through when they have hyperemesis gravidarum leads many to abort their child. To me, the loss of a life is the darkest event possible.

As someone who was raised in a conservative home, I never believed in abortion. Yet feeling so ill, for so long, helped me understand why someone would consider it an option. I truly felt like I was dying, and there were moments when I would have done anything to find some reprieve from the relentless nausea and vomiting. To me, that is the dark side of this condition. That is the horrific truth.

If you’ve ever stepped into the darkness, hg mama, I want you to know that there is light waiting for you. You may feel lost, like you’re in a dark cave with no light to guide you. But you are not alone on this journey. You have a little one growing inside you. Because you are carrying that precious gift, you have no choice: you must fight. Surrender is not an option. The good news is that you’re fighting for a worhty cause, and you will win this war. It won’t be easy. You will get sick– very sick. But you will also earn a reward, and you will treasure that reward because you had to fight so hard to earn it. You will be stronger, knowing that you can handle anything life throws at you. Keep your eye on the prize, dear sisters in suffering. It is worth all the sick.

Has your HG made you delve into the dark side? Help others by posting a comment below.

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Comments
  1. Well said. Big hugs to everyone out there suffering.

  2. jRoxDesigns says:

    I too have never believed in abortion. I gave birth to my son a month before I turned 18. I have always believed that God will never give you anything you can’t handle. If it wasn’t for my son my life I know my life would have been a mess and I don’t think I even want to think about what could have been. I was blessed to only have a bad case of morning sickness with him. My husband and I waited 7 years for me to go to college and become settled down in a good job. Once we got pregnant I was excited that things were join to be different this time around. HG settled in around 4 weeks. I am so thankful that I never had those dark thoughts. My dark thoughts were constant that I was going to loose my baby girl. I was so scared every day that something would happen and I would loose her. Those thoughts raced through my mind every day and I knew it was because I knew if I did loose her I would never have the courage to try again. HG doesn’t bring out the best in us and we can’t help the thoughts that go through our minds. It’s completely normal. If you are suffering with HG and have had dark thoughts know you are NOT alone! Find someone to talk to! We are a welcoming community of HG Mommas who will do anything to help out another HG Momma!

    • hgsurvivor says:

      Thanks for sharing, jRox!

    • Cassandra Hopr says:

      I’m 9 weeks and so in that dark place. Already done the ER, have at home IV care now but I’m so dehydrated my veins aren’t cooperating. Praying constantly and fighting a battle I feel too weak to carry. Your words encourage me to keep going. Thank you so much

      • jRoxDesigns says:

        Oh Cassandra I wish I could take your pain and suffering away. I know where you are and there is no words that anyone can ever say to take you away from there but please know that Rachel and I have both been there and we can tell you it is all worth it in the end. Please feel free to email either one of us and I would be more than happy to give you my cell phone number if you just want to talk to someone. There is a very active group on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/groups/Hyperemesisgravidarum/) full of women who survivors and who are currently suffering through HG. There is also a very active board on BabyCenter for HG sufferers (http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a986645/hyperemesis_sufferers) as well. Please don’t give up. The first couple months are the hardest. Soon you will learn the small things to keep you going. You can keep going. We are all here for you! I’m praying of you!

        Amber
        amber@jroxdesigns.com

      • hgsurvivor says:

        I am so sorry you’re suffering, Cassandra. My veins have never been good and so the dehydration that comes with hg made the process of giving blood and getting getting iv hydration true torture. I am praying for you tonight, dear one. You can do this. And you don’t have to carry anything. You mentioned prayer so I’m assuming you believe in God. If so, let Him carry you through this. He is strong enough. And believe it or not, you are too. Take things one day, one hour, one moment at a time. Tell yourself that as each moment passes, it is one less moment you have to be sick. Know that there is an end. Know that you can and will do everything possible to nurture your child– suffer blown veins, suck on ice cubes 24/7, and force yourself to rest. And also know that you are not alone. Anytime you feel alone, remember that there are many women with hg out there right now. And remember that there are many women who have survived this terrible condition. You will, too.

  3. hgmama says:

    I believe HG is such a spiritual battle in addition to the physical battle. I definitely remember having very dark thoughts…thoughts of dying to end the nausea. I would never follow through with it but I definitely had thoughts of termination too. It’s a scary place to be! I’m thankful for the support I had from family and friends and so many people praying for me.

  4. rosebud512 says:

    Thank you for this. I’m at 27 weeks, my HG is relatively controlled with Zofran pump (and the oh-so-lovely belly bruises and constant discomfort I get from it), and my doctor congratulates me that I’m still working (well, part-time, as a PhD student and teaching assistant who only has to go to campus once or twice a week) and I’m *still* in that dark cave, despite feeling like I’ve got it better than a bunch of people. The depression and anxiety I’ve struggled with for years are completely taking over these days. Especially this week, having gotten a call yesterday from my OB’s office saying I failed the first gestational diabetes test and I have to do the glucose tolerance heavy-duty test next week. So scared that every one of my safe foods is going to be declared unequivocally off the table, and that I’m damaging my baby and myself by trying to survive this. They had to quit the home IV for me because my veins kept collapsing and stopping the drip, so it’s been a constant attempt to force water and popsicles down to stay semi-hydrated… and I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next 10 to 12 weeks.

    The worst days are the days I get scared that it won’t be easier once my sweet baby girl is in my arms, that she’ll have unending colic or that because of the HG they’ll decide to do a C-section and I won’t be able to establish breastfeeding and the baby will be somehow deformed or whatever else because so far I haven’t gotten a break in anything (got thrillingly pregnant just four months after my second spine surgery for the worst herniated disc my doctor had ever seen, with constant level-10 nerve pain for two years) and I’m so afraid that it’s just never going to stop. Thank you for reminding me that the light at the end of the tunnel, however uncertain, is a light and I can look forward to it. Because right now I really NEED something to look forward to.

    • hgsurvivor says:

      Hi rosebud512,
      I am amazed at your strength. I cannot imagine being in a PhD program and having HG. Looking at the date of your comment I realize that you must be close to the end of your pregnancy. I understand your fears because I had every one of them. I hope things have gotten better for you, and I am thoroughly impressed at your honesty, strength, and perseverance. Hold tight to that hope. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. It was true for me, and I’ve been told that it is true for a lot of moms: the moment you deliver the nausea goes away. You can do this, and you will do this, and it will be okay.

  5. Lynn says:

    I am just getting into my second trimester and have been suffering with HG for 8 weeks now. I have been hospitalized twice now resulting in over night stays and too many ivs to count. I am off of work as well with a very unsupported boss. I am not going to lie and say I have never thought about just ending it and giving up but I would and will never do it. I know I am getting something out of it. To be honest I have never felt so low than I have been lately. Hearing that it will get better and counting down the days when it is supposed to just to watch it pass, is heart breaking. I get sick almost 20 times a day, even moving makes thongs unbearable.

    • hgsurvivor says:

      Hi Lynn,
      I am so sorry to hear that you’re suffering. HG is terrible. But there is an end. It will get better. And when you do survive, because you will, you will be stronger. You will have an appreciation for your child you thought unimaginable because you will have fought and won. I know you don’t want to fight. I know it is hard. But it is worth it. It is important. And you will win. Hold on, my sister in suffering.

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