Archive for June, 2014

It’s true: life is very unfair. At times it’s wonderful, at times it’s awful. And since I’ve been diagnosed with kidney stones it’s been painful. After five lithotripsies, I believe my doctor has finally blasted the stone away. The past week has been fraught with nausea, constipation, and pain. I haven’t been able to properly take care of my son. He’s reached out to me with his tiny two-year-old arms and buddha belly and said “Mom, down!” (his way to getting me off the bed and onto the floor to play cars). I’ve had to decline.

This situation is temporary, and in comparison to a pregnant woman suffering with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), it’s truly nothing. Yet the anxiety and fear I’ve spiraled into has enveloped me like a tornado. In the middle of the tornado are two sides to my psyche battling for control: Logic, with its reticent personality tells me that I can do anything. Of course I can survive another HG pregnancy. It was terrible and will be terrible again. But suffering through a full nine months of illness is certainly do-able, especially given the joy of bringing another life into the world. Heart, with its power to overwhelm my being, cowers in the corner confessing all fears binding its fragile grasp on normalcy. Heart whispers that I will become a bad parent, ruin the bond I have with my son, push my husband past the point of exhaustion caring for us both, and  suffer even worse than I did when expecting my son.

Heart spurs me to spend hours after my bedtime frantically skimming journal articles, asking questions on Facebook groups, and chasing down every random medication that might lessen or prevent this extreme morning sickness from happening again. Logic reminds me that I am in good hands- that I have a wonderful doctor, a supportive husband, and a caring God. Logic tells me that, even if I will suffer, I will survive.

Right now, I am scared. And there is so much to fear. But I am trying to hope, to not give up, to continue pressing on. And so I’ll continue drawing up battle plans. For me, there is no alternative.

Please, tell me how you came to grips with pursuing another child despite the likelihood that you would get HG again?

 

 

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We’re thinking about trying again. In spite of the suffering hyperemesis gravidarum– or, extreme morning sickness– caused. In spite of the long-term disability. In spite of the medical bills.

Of course, few understand. My friends and family throw out phrases like “you never know, maybe this time you won’t be sick at all!” Yet, all the studies I’ve read indicate that I have a high likelihood of contracting one of the most debilitating and miserable condition known to pregant women: hyperemeis gravidarum.

Even writing about this makes me sick to my stomach. My ob said she cannot guarentee I won’t get sick again. So why? Why would anyone think about subjecting their body and mind to months of endless nausea, vomitting, er visits, and medicinal cocktails that seldom offer any relief?

The answer is simple: love. I love my son. And I’d love to have another child. My husband feels the same way. And I will not let nine months of misery stop me from having another child.

Albert Einstein said that “One cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.” He’s right. I’m trying to focus my mind away from the dream that I won’t get sick and toward the best way I can prepare for that eventuality. Getting in shape, eating nutrient-rich foods… and learning more about drugs. My ob is optimistic that Diclegis may help. I’m doubtful that this mixture of Unisom and Vitamin B6 will work, yet its status as a class A drug motivates me to try. Last time, I was a Zofran junkie with a medicine pump that did nothing to alleviate the vomitting but did cause big red blisters and irritate my skin. I blew most IVs and often threw up water. Phenergan provided a little relief, but mostly made me sleep. I’ve read all about the studies of Dr. Guttuso at the University of Buffalo but am not tempted to risk the life of my future little one on a class C drug. not yet approved by the FDA for use in pregnant women.

So what’s a girl to do?

Here’s my plan: prepare as best I can (I’m sure I’ll write a new post about that later), dig my heels in, and fight through every moan, heave, and vomit session. I’m preparing for battle, dear sisters in suffering, and am going to use every weapon in my arsenal. I’m gathering my troops (family, co-workers, friends, doctors, internet pals), I’m conditioning my body, I’m preparing my mind. And when the HG comes, I’ll be ready.

Has anyone experienced HG in a subsequent pregancy? What did you do to prepare? Help others by posting a comment below.