It’s true: life is very unfair. At times it’s wonderful, at times it’s awful. And since I’ve been diagnosed with kidney stones it’s been painful. After five lithotripsies, I believe my doctor has finally blasted the stone away. The past week has been fraught with nausea, constipation, and pain. I haven’t been able to properly take care of my son. He’s reached out to me with his tiny two-year-old arms and buddha belly and said “Mom, down!” (his way to getting me off the bed and onto the floor to play cars). I’ve had to decline.

This situation is temporary, and in comparison to a pregnant woman suffering with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), it’s truly nothing. Yet the anxiety and fear I’ve spiraled into has enveloped me like a tornado. In the middle of the tornado are two sides to my psyche battling for control: Logic, with its reticent personality tells me that I can do anything. Of course I can survive another HG pregnancy. It was terrible and will be terrible again. But suffering through a full nine months of illness is certainly do-able, especially given the joy of bringing another life into the world. Heart, with its power to overwhelm my being, cowers in the corner confessing all fears binding its fragile grasp on normalcy. Heart whispers that I will become a bad parent, ruin the bond I have with my son, push my husband past the point of exhaustion caring for us both, and  suffer even worse than I did when expecting my son.

Heart spurs me to spend hours after my bedtime frantically skimming journal articles, asking questions on Facebook groups, and chasing down every random medication that might lessen or prevent this extreme morning sickness from happening again. Logic reminds me that I am in good hands- that I have a wonderful doctor, a supportive husband, and a caring God. Logic tells me that, even if I will suffer, I will survive.

Right now, I am scared. And there is so much to fear. But I am trying to hope, to not give up, to continue pressing on. And so I’ll continue drawing up battle plans. For me, there is no alternative.

Please, tell me how you came to grips with pursuing another child despite the likelihood that you would get HG again?

 

 

Advertisements
Comments
  1. masliza says:

    I suffered from HG 3 times from the past 4 years.i lost the first 2 babies both at 16 and 19weeks.i was very devastated. HG took away my happy life…my little angels. But we really want at least a child to be happy with so we tried again(i have issues with fertility). now i am 26w pregnant with the 3rd child.i am truly thank god for giving me the strength to go through HG and yet able to survive up till this moment.we planned almost everything before ttc to battle HG but HG just kicked in..and it was horrible beyond words.I wish u all the best.

  2. Janet Staffeldt says:

    I am currently almost 7 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby, and battling hyperemesis just as bad, if not worse, as I did 7 years ago with my son. After two trips to the er for dehydration, I was admitted ten days ago, lost ten pounds after a few days with up to 60 vomiting episodes a day, I was started on high dose steroids and other round the clock meds which have lessened my symptoms. It is even harder the second time, in my opinion, not only being older, but having more guilt of the responsibilities of another child to care for/more stress on my husband, dooming medical bills, etc, I can fully see why some women would feel driven to abort a baby that they truly always wanted, but it does help to hear others’ stories and to know you’re not suffering completely alone, misery truly does love company! Hang in there ladies and remember that most HG babies are super hormone charged miracles, if we can just survive them sucking the life from us for up to 9 months! 🙂

  3. Greta says:

    My first pregnancy showed the signs of HG but all the people around me convince me that what I was feeling was normal! My mother, coworkers everyone.By the 7th week my doctor gave me Zofran and I was able to survive a little, not feeling normal but at least I could function. My DH and I decided to wait three years since the first pregnancy was so hard on me. Little did I know what will happen next. I found out we were pregnant at the 4th week because the nausea was kicking in.By the 7th week I could not walk, move, talk or maintain my eyes open. The best way I can describe it is a combination of motion sickness, vertigo and migraines.All at once! All day, every day, every second. The only relieve was sleeping, but as soon as I opened my eyes it was there. The pain, the nausea, the feeling of impotence.My doctor tried different medications but nothing worked, so finally it was decided I had HG and will need a Zofran pump. I had in home care from week 10 untill week 32.Every day I would poke my legs, introduce a neddle with a catheter that gave me medication every three minutes. I could not move, walk or eat a whole meal but was able to take small snacks and talk a little. By week 33 I still needed Zofran in tablets every 6 hrs. I stop taking medication two days before my schedule csection.During the surgery I started feeling the nausea and vomited three times. My faith in God, my husband’s love, and my toddlers happiness saved my life and our baby.She is a beautiful 8 month old. Thank you God for blessing us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s